ONE HUNDRED AND FIRST YEAR	THIRTEENTH SESSION--REIGN OF WHEELER, J.
NOTICE OF MEETING: SATURDAY, MARCH 3, 2001, 12:00 noon Hermit Club 1629 Dodge Court 216/621-2325		The Wired Judge™

Minutes of the Dinner Committee Meeting of February 15, 2001.

The first Dinner Committee meeting of the new millennium was a high-minded, intimate affair: High-minded because the bar opened at 3 p.m., when Dinner Chairman McKay arrived to set the table and begin cooking; intimate because, at Judge Wheeler's request, the meeting was conducted in the nude "to promote creativity." (Unfortunately, as you will see, the level of creativity was unchanged and all appetite for Sgt. McKay's fine repast was lost. Future meetings will be in black tie.)

The Dinner Committee Chairman began with some serious, if not sober, observations: This year's Grand Assize coincides with two two solemn events: Easter weekend and tax filing. Therefore, the Chairman urged, skits should be restrained and in good taste. This suggestion was universally rejected.

Sgt. McCartan did allow that some accommodation should be made at the Grand Assize for members of the court who had procrastinated on their tax returns. Sgt. Kaufman proposed that members of his firm could provide tax preparation services at the Grand Assize for a reasonable fee (since the work would involve only law and documents and no witnesses). Sgt. Nance seconded the proposal and offered to negotiate the financial terms with Sgt. Kaufman. The two of them donned dark glasses and left immediately to commence negotiations.

Sgt. McCartan also suggested that this year's skits abandon all pretense of humor and unashamedly celebrate the recent U.S. naval victory over Japan. He observed that 2001 was the 60th anniversary of the bombing of Pearl Harbor and expressed his satisfaction that this time we had intercepted the enemy before they struck. The ingenious disguise as a lone fishing boat had been unavailing. He and Sgt. Lansdowne offered to write an openly patriotic script to be called "Never Again" or "Son of Tora, Tora, Tora." The members of the court present observed this suggestion with a moment of silence.

Sgt. Bodurtha suggested that each skit be directed at a different ethnic or religious group that remains unrepresented in the Court and produced an extensive list. The Dinner Chairman conceded the wisdom of this approach but warned of time constraints.

Judge Wheeler left early so as not to miss a rerun of "Charlie's Angels." But before departing, he made an impassioned plea for continued recognition of the activities of now former President Clinton. Predictably, this elicited a host of suggestions:

Sgt. Ziegler envisioned an episode of The Antique Roadshow at which the Clinton's seek appraisals of furniture taken from the White House.

Sgt. Rosenburg proposed a skit entitled "Clinton comes to Harlem" but had no further details. Sgt. Kluznik offered that Clinton could be visited there by Attorney General Ashcroft. Sgt. Keyse-Walker envisioned theme music from "Moving on Up" or "The Beverly Hillbillies."

Sgt. Paisley foresaw President Clinton walking the streets of Manhattan, being jostled by various convicts and unfortunates, who say "pardon me," to which the former President replies, "Sure, Sure." He allowed that this might be too rich for some people, but no one got it.

Predictably, Sgt. Robenalt urged a skit involving rock-n-roll, this one based on the John Lennon exhibit at the R&R Hall of Fame. All conceded that the exhibit, which features the blood-stained glasses Lennon wore at his death, had tremendous humourous potential, particularly at Easter time. There was talk of the Beatles' great spirituality. Sgt. Robenalt, who is writing a book about holy men of northern Ohio, disclosed that Lennon lived for a time in Parma where he was a disciple of Maharishi Mahesh Yankovich. Many of the Beatles' songs were adapted from the work of the great Yankovich. Sgt. Robenalt performed Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds on the accordion to illustrate his point. It was agreed that this year's band skit will be entirely Beatles songs a la polka, as they were intended.

Sgt. Brodhead is very concerned about the lack of electricity in California and the impact it may have upon popular culture. He asked, rhetorically I believe, how our music and drug use would have developed if California lacked electricity. He proposed a skit, to be entitled "The Kool-Aid Acid Test", consisting of 15 minutes of darkness and Gregorian chants. Several sergeants expressed concerns about potential drug flashbacks.

Sgt. McCartan, whose legal residence is now in New Delhi, remained interested in the theme of taxes. He argued persuasively for eliminating the estate tax for family farms, small businesses and large firm lawyers. Sgt. Clarke responded with ominous references to meritocracy, Toynbee and the destruction of civilization, which no one understood.

Sgt. McKay Major observed the opposition from certain rich people - including Warren and Jimmy Buffet - to eliminating the estate tax and suggested a skit presenting their children's views. This led to an impassioned debate until broken up by the police. The group agreed that there would be no further discussion of taxes, and Sgt. McCartan departed. Sgt. McKay Major, who appears not to have attended the neophyte skit, also described a skit based on a day in the life of George W. Bush to the tune of "If I Only Had a Brain." Bush would fail a geography quiz.

At the conclusion, the Dinner Committee Chairman awakened and thanked each member for becoming -- albeit temporarily -- part of his oasis in a sea of bad-taste and materialism. Each participant was given a Porter Wright pad, pen and coffee mug (with the Dinner Chairman's photograph affixed) as mementos. We dressed, exchanged vows of secrecy and departed into the good night. Sgt. Kushner