ONE HUNDRED AND FIRST YEAR	FOURTEENTH SESSION--REIGN OF WHEELER, J.
NOTICE OF MEETING: SATURDAY, MARCH 10, 2001, 12:00 noon Hermit Club 1629 Dodge Court 216/621-2325		The Wired Judge™

March 2, 2001
Re: Minutes of the Dinner Committee Meeting of March 1, 2001
Attendees: Judge Wheeler, Dinner Committee Chairperson McKay, Minor, Sgts. Dugan, Renkert, Paisley, Kaufman, Kushner, Ogle, Messerman, the male, Messerman, the female, Wilharm, Mulligan, Minor, Driggs, Kloznick, Solomon, Keys?Walker, Barrick, Mersol and Hultin

The third dinner committee meeting was preceded by a lively cocktail party punctuated by Sgt. Dugan's dead on imitation of Ricky Martin's "Living LaVita Loca". Sgts. Keys?Walker and Messerman, the female, provided the backup dancing and singing. Judge Wheeler and D.C. McKay, Minor, delayed the meal by agonizing over their dinner and dessert selections and vowed never to have choices again.

The dinner committee chairperson called the meeting to order by asking all to hold hands and say a prayer to the goddess of skits requesting that she bless us with restrained, tasteful ideas. As will be seen, even prayer did not work.

Sgt. Messerman, the male, began the meeting by complaining that the non?membered members of the Court were all sitting together at the end of the table. He demanded to know why all three female sergeants chose to sit together and it was revealed that Sgt. Hultin was sitting at the opposite end of the table from the Judge and the D.C. for just that very reason. Sgts. Keys?Walker and Messerman have long desired to work together in a skit and needed to sit together to plot out the story line of Snow White and the Wicked Queen skit, with Tipper Gore as Snow White and Florida's Secretary of State as the Wicked Queen. Sgt. Keys?Walker demanded the opportunity to dress up as a female character for a change. Their suggestion was initially disregarded as being Mickey Mouse.

Sgt. Mersol suggested a skit based upon business casual days. His idea included a West Side Story theme with those lawyers who dress in suits versus those lawyers who dress like dot com owners. Sgt. McKay indicated that he had been given a proxy from Sgt. McCartan that Sgt. Mersol be eliminated from the court on the basis of his outrageously revealing casual day dress.

Sgt. Heary suggested that the court focus on the issue of lawyer payment caps so that the superstars in law firms would no longer receive big bucks over a certain amount so that lesser known attorneys could have their salaries increased. He is "building on the idea."

Sgt. Kaufman indicated that he knows that silence is a virtue but could not resist suggesting a skit based upon former presidents seeking admission to Cooperstown in the Baseball Hall of Fame even though they know nothing about baseball. He indicates that they could base the skit around the applications of Kennedy, Nixon and/or Clinton. Judge Wheeler took offense at suggesting that Clinton would even have to apply since he had "scored more than anyone else". The assembled concensus was that Kaufman struck out.

Sgt. Mulligan, Minor, ruminated on a variation on the American dream where the mediocre can aspire to the highest offices. He suggested that we do the life story of D.C. McKay, Minor, but Sgt. Solomon poo?pood this idea since D.C. McKay does not rise to the level of mediocre. As a result, Sgt. Mulligan, Minor became belligerent when he was interrupted and would say nothing further.

Sgt. Kushner suggested that we do a skit based upon the death of Dale Earnhardt. All were stunned to silence. Blessedly, for all concerned, Sgt. Kushner then went back to sleep.

Sgt. Wilharm, building on Sgt. Kaufman's "silence is golden idea" suggested an opener where the curtain would rise on Senator Dewine, Senator Voinovich and Governor Taft sitting at a conference table as "see no evil", " hear no evil" and "speak no evil" followed by complete silence for three minutes. He was enthusiastic when he gleefully noted, "people won't know what to make of it." All agreed without enthusiasm. Sgt. Wilharm was also concerned about the new focus on professionalism and civility in the practice. He proposed that the court appoint a "cordial intercourse among attorneys" committee. The D.C. responded by cordially telling him to shut up.

Sgt. Hamilton reprised an idea from the week before suggesting that we "trash Clinton's stealing of Oval Office furniture and taking it to Chapaqua." His suggestion is that both Bill and Hillary are being interviewed in jail where they are represented by Sgts. Messerman and Gold because there is a conflict of interest between them. Sgt. Messerman, the female, indicated it was a stupid Republican idea since neither she nor Gold would take the case without being paid up front.

Sgt. Ogle suggested a skit where Bill Clinton is made out to be a hero having pardoned Rich solely for the purpose of trapping the FBI double agent Hannsen. He suggested that Judge Wheeler, in portraying Clinton could sing "Secret Agent Man".

Sgt. Wheeler went back to the faith based organation application idea and suggested a skit based upon putting together a 501(C)3 application so that the Court can submit requests for funding to cure the problems of Cleveland including homelessness, unemployment and the lost ballet company. He envisioned a long kick line of Buddhist priests, Catholic nuns and Jewish rabbis. Since he is the judge, the idea was politely applauded.

Sgt. Barrick suggested a Cleveland based skit where there was an effort to sell Mt. Sinai Hospital to CWRU but Mayor White is prevented from doing so by Moses who sends down an edict that no one can sell Mt. Sinai. But all is saved, when, with the help of being a faith based organation the Court is able to give Mt. Sinai to Brookpark in exchange for the airport runway.

Sgt. Messerman, the male, indicated that almost his entire law firm was present and that the only reason he was there was because he realized he had to pay for the food whether he ate it or not. Sgt. Messerman suggested a gay skit wherein he and Gail would come out of the closet having unwittingly dressed in each other's clothes. The assembled sergeants voted that they would like to see that.

Sgt. Solomon again reprised the idea of doing a skit about former President Clinton suggesting that Clinton's concern is that for eight years he was the subject of Nisi Prius skits and how will he ever continue without his juicy role in the Grand Assize. His solution is that the only way to get sufficiently into the public eye to be significant enough for Nisi Prius, would be to pardon unpardonable people and steal American heirlooms. He had already tried getting attention by having affairs with chubby women. Sgt. Solomon's suggested song was "How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away" or "If I Had It To Do Over Again I'd Do It Over You". The sergeants said "yee hah!"

Sgt. Dugan suggested a skit based upon the President's pardon of Mr. Rich since Clinton actually pardoned Rich because Rich would have voted for the President had he not been a Republican and not been stripped of his citizenship at the time of Clinton's election. The Pardon had nothing to do with Rich's ex?wife's contributions to his library. Sjt Dugan opined that it is outrageous to believe that any ex?wife would ever agree to pay money and lobby to get her ex?husband pardoned and not say "Yeah, right Richy baby, let your fancypants, new, young, trophy wife do it!" All divorced sergeants nodded in agreement.

Sgt. Renkert suggested that you always get a laugh out of bankruptcy and read a particularly sexist article on the difference between impressing a man and impressing a woman. All the men were offended.

Sgt. Paisley, noting that Sgt. McKay, Sr. looks very much like the new President of Russia, Vladimir Putin, suggested that Putin comes to a spy enclave which, curiously, is based in Put-in-Bay to which D.C. McKay out punned the master punner by responding you must be "Puttin' me on". Somewhat flummuxed, Sgt. Paisley felt that the Grand Assize had gotten away from its former excellence in dancing and indicated that he was now taking tap dancing lessons in preparation for a big finale to be punctuated by Sgt. Wilharm doing his famous Cossack dance. The assembled voted to shuffle, ball and change.

Sgt. Driggs indicated he had the proxy of Sgts. Pogue and Sterling to revive the "widget brothers skit". He also suggested that the skit be based upon the garbage being presented at the dinner committee meeting. All assembled were offended. Finally he suggested that they do a skit where the secret agent protecting President Bush is actually Hannibal Lector. The D.C commented that it was a tasty idea.

Sgt. Messerman, the beautiful, was totally trashed, drunk, blotto, when she and Sgt. Keys?Walker presented their idea of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Messerman cried that she had never had a dancing, singing or female part, although some of the remaining sergeants remembered her being a "bimbo." None-the-less she wanted to do something on a Mother Goose theme indicating that as a Court member, she plays with a hundred little men rather than just seven dwarfs. Sgt. Messerman, the male, supported her as she passed out into her carrot cake. Sgt. Keys?Walker took over for her fallen partner and reiterated the Snow White idea indicating that Snow White had permanent PMS and that the seven dwarfs issue could be related to the sado/masochistic shop located in Lakewood. Most of the assembled sergeants were grieving the loss of this shop.

The late Sgt. Robenalt suggested another Clinton bashing theme of Clinton being torn between good and evil with Dick Morris on one side and Ernest Angel (a television evangelist(?)) on the other. It could be loosely based upon Judge Wheeler's suggestion of a faith based (or was it free based?) organation.

D.C. McKay suggested an indecipherable plot where Judge Wheeler is actually a double agent and is now back in Russia and that the Judge Wheeler we think exists now is really former President Clinton. Judge Wheeler's wife is delighted. Actually, the pardons that were granted were granted by Wheeler and not Clinton who had already switched places and was hiding as Judge Wheeler to avoid Hillary's ire for his many national and international affairs.

All were confused.

The D.C. announced ALL SKITS MUST BE IN BY MARCH 16.

To end the meeting in order to perfect our application for 501(C)3 status as a faith based charitable organation, the assembled sergeants held hands and said a prayer for the second coming of Sgt. McCartan. There being no further irritating discussion, the meeting was adjourned.

Erotic Errata

Sgt. Paisley claimed that the minutes of the February 22 meeeting were inaccurate in attributing an unfunny idea to him when it was actually Sgt. Newell's unfunny idea. Apologies to both.