ONE HUNDRED AND FIRST YEAR	FIFTEENTH SESSION--REIGN OF WHEELER, J.
NOTICE OF MEETING: SATURDAY, MARCH 17, 2001, 12:00 noon Hermit Club 1629 Dodge Court 216/621-2325		The Wired Judge™

March 8, 2001
Minutes of the Dinner Committee Meeting

After careful examination of the Members present, the DC concluded, "There are no women here! Things could get ugly." Several sergeants wondered how "things" could get any uglier. They soon learned.

The male Members were clearly excited at being without adult supervision. Older Members chortled giddily about the "the good old days" when only female impersonators were admitted. There was much drinking, smoking of cigars, bodily emissions and brawling.

As is often the case when women are not present, there was also much abuse. Sgt. Ogle put aside his ecclesiastical scruples and abused the female persuasion. Sgt. Jacobs, dapper in his pin-striped sheet, abused racial, ethnic and religious minorities. Sgt. Renkert abused the minutes of the last meeting for their many misspellings of names and Court terms. And predictably the DC engaged in prolific self-abuse.

Each Member spoke, so to speak. Sgt. Jacobs read from a collection of his favorite pleadings. Sgt. Hearey, clad only in briefs, sang "I shot the Teacher, but I did not shoot the Principal," for a timely skit about classroom violence. Sgt. Hamilton, playing both roles, pantomimed a sensitive romance between Senators Clinton and Kennedy set in the congressional cloakroom. Sgt. Renkert described a captivating skit, entitled "The People's Republic of Shaker Heights," starring Sgt. Montgomery as herself and Sgt. McCoy as a recalcitrant property owner singing, "I Shall be Released."

Sgt. "Jonathan" Swift read a courtroom drama, to be called "The Firm," with three competing claimants to the reward offered for recovery of the 640K fallen from a Brinks truck, all represented by Jones Day. (Sgt. McCartan assured that each had signed waivers.) Sgt. Baker asked to be excused. Sgts. Kluznick and Stewart, Minor sang a moving ballad about the Cleveland Browns to the tune of "Nobody Knows You When You're Down and Out." Sgt. Ziegler urged a skit about himself, starring himself, written and directed by himself.

Disappointed with the quality of suggestions, Judge Wheeler proposed a new format for this year's GA: a chat room, with participation online. All agreed that this would reduce the cost of the GA substantially, even if shrimp were delivered to each participant's office.

Exhausted by these mental exertions, the male Members turned to what male Members do best - reminiscing. Sgts. Renkert and Hamilton gleefully remembered skits that had been well-received in the 30's and 40's, which might be adapted to the 21st Century. Judge Wheeler and Sgt. Ogle fondly recalled members of their firm with talent and character, qualities that were now disqualifying.

As the male Members recalled their lost youth, the room grew quiet, but for an occasional belch. Then from the rear of the room came a faint whimper, "I miss my wife." Soon another, then another pathetic cry for female companionship. Then, as if on cue, the Male members rose and headed home to their loved ones, leaving Sgt. Jacobs alone reading from his favorite Motion to Strike Split Infinitives.

Sgt. Kushner