HERMIT CLUB TO INSTALL METAL DETECTOR
McKay No Longer Safe in His Own Courtroom

As a result of the generally vitriolic reaction of the Serjeants to the imposition of Martial Law, and largely because far too many Serjeants now are "packing heat," the Court has ordered The Hermit Club to install a metal detector at the front entrance. McKay noted, "the combination of liquor, guns, and Viagra creates a volatile situation and makes it difficult to conduct an effective personal search."

In an unrelated announcement, Sjt. Gruettner will be appointed Court Grammarian.