Nisi Prius

Sjt. Jeavons

HAPPY GROUNDHOG DAY
FROM

Punxsutawney Phil

COURT FACES FINANCIAL CRISIS
Judge Previously Ordered The Clerk to Invest Court's Funds at Lehman Brothers-Everything's Gone

CLEVELAND. At the express direction of the Judge, the Clerk invested all of the Court's assets with Frank D. Gruttadauria of Lehman Brothers. The Judge, as expected, denies any involvement, and has hired Arthur Andersen to look into the matter. "I think the Clerk may be vacationing at Club Fed this Spring," said an exasperated McKay. Other Sjts. also have been affected personally by this scandal. Sjt. Hammer may be forced to sell his prized Mogen David wine collection. Sjt. McCartan has lost over $60 million, resulting in his seeking to rescind his retirement. Jones Day refused to accede to the request. Sjt. Bryenton, however, being a keen judge of legal talent, and sensing an opportunity to "raise the bar" at Baker & Hostetler, has offered a lateral Of Counsel position to Sjt. McCartan to replace retired Sjt. Burlingame in its Bulk Sales Law Group.