Court Appoints Taste Commissioner

Sjt. Kaufman Obtains Post "Befitting a Man of his Stature"

In recognition of Sjt. Kaufman's lifelong reputation as "champion of the obsequious" and "an officious intermeddler's officious intermeddler," the Court has appointed him as the Commissar of Professionalism and Good Taste for a term "not to expire until the ink dries on this document." Sjt. Kaufman vows to restore the Court's dignity to "the levels that existed before it admitted me" and to make the Clerk "plagiarize paintings with less voluptuous models."