YOU'VE GOT TO SERVE SOMEBODY . . .

Though Browns quarterback Jeff Garcia's Playboy Playmate girlfriend Carmella DeCesare was acquitted of karate-kicking Garcia's other girlfriend, Judge Anita Mays nevertheless ordered Ms. DeCesare to serve 24 hours of community service for violation of an injunction. Judge Mays rightly rejected the Campbell administration's community service proposal (topless car washes to augment Cleveland's general fund). Instead, the Playmate of the Year will be the new Nisi Prius Bailiff, and the ousted officer, Sjt. O'Bryan, has no objection. "I'll gladly work with her closely. So what if she needs cue cards? So did Sjt. Jorgenson." Our own Judge Hearey enthusiastically approved DeCesare's appointment. "Now this is diversity," he beamed. DeCesare's reenactment of her winning Playboy spread at our upcoming Saturday session is guaranteed to raise at least eyebrows.