With both Valentine’s Day and President’s Day right around the corner, it is fitting that our new DC, Serjeant Robenalt, is writing a book about the secret love life of President Millard Fillmore. (Seriously - he is.) There were, apparently, already too many books on the shelves discussing President Polk’s, uh, proclivities. We can now reveal that President Fillmore’s secret passion was none other than… Helen Thomas! This riveting bodice-ripper describes their lurid affair in graphic, and not always pleasant, detail. A few members of the Court have received advance copies and have the following reviews.

“More effective than a double dose of Cialis!” - Sjt. Hearey, B.

“Yowza! I had no idea Sjt. Newell was such a hotsy-totsy!” - Sjt. Clarke

“The Kama Sutra-like illustrations really help you visualize the unnatural acts being described!” - Sjt. McKay

There will be no session this week, so as to allow Your Clerk to take a cold shower.